Mary’s Favorite Things 

Most of you are aware of Oprah’s famous giveaway show every November – her “favorite things” show where every audience member receives a plethora of expensive, fancy, high-end gifts – all things that Oprah has personally used and endorsed.  (This year’s list included items such as:  Ugg Crocheted boot slippers, "Perfect Ending” cupcakes, Kai Body Butter and Buffer, imported Claus Porto soaps, a Panini press, some fancy schmancy silk jammies by Rachel Pally, a gold and mahogany version of Scrabble, O’s Guide to Life, and finally, the item that caused all members of the audience to become nearly apoplectic – a stainless steel refrigerator with a built-in entertainment center including LCD TV, DVD hookup, radio and slideshow option.)  WOW!  Well, I sort of liked the idea, and decided to do a spin-off event for my loved ones.  For those of you who are fortunate enough to be invited to MARY’S FAVORITE THINGS event, to be held in December, you will be blessed with the following items, wholly endorsed by ME.   

1.          A roll of duct tape  -- When you are a single woman such as myself, duct tape is a handy thing to have around the house.  It can pretty much fix anything that breaks simply by taping it back together.  (True Value:  $2.59).

 2.         Brownie Mix from the Dollar Store – I was actually broke enough to try this one weekend, and it was surprisingly good – although it never quite cooks all the way – comes out more like Molten Cakes – (hey, wasn’t that on Oprah’s favorite things list last year?)  (Dollar Store - $1 duh) 

3.         Pretty Tools – I’m serious, these things are cool.  Blue toile porcelain handled hammer and screwdriver set for under $20 at Home Valu Stores.  Not for heavy-duty type jobs, but then, we richies would hire out for that anyhow.   

4.         Paint Stirring Sticks – These ruler-shaped items come in handy for lots of things besides stirring paint – they can keep old windows propped open in the summertime, they double as flyswatters (albeit not very effective), AND the best part is they are free at your local paint sore. 

5.         Slippers from Wal-Mart – They aren’t Uggs, but they keep your feet warm and cost about $100 less than Uggs, so shut up and wear them. 

6.         Suave Soothing Aloe Moisturizer – this stuff works, no lie.  It moisturizes and soothes, and it’s not too greasy.  Put it in a pretty container and pretend it’s $55 Kai Body Butter.  (Rite-Aid, $2.39) 

7.         Plastic spatula – It’s no panini-maker, but if you’re grilling up a hot sandwich, you can press on it really hard with this spatula and it has the same effect.  (Dollar Store $1 duh). 

8.         French milled soap pilfered from hotels – I like these and take them from hotels whenever I can (I figure they are included in the hotel rate.) 

9.         M’s Guide to a Dysfunctional Life – Oprah has nothing on me!  I have written my own Guide to Life which will amaze you and confuse you.  I’ll even sign your copy.  (Retail:  $49.99) 

10.     An old t-shirt worn by me – You can wear it around the house and to bed, like normal people.  (Who wears silk to bed, I ask you?) 

11.      A copy of the Syracuse Post Standard Word Jumble – Yes, I have one cut out (some are sorta ripped out) for each of you.  Who needs fancy mahogany games to have fun?  (um, besides Oprah, I mean….) 

12.     And lastly – oh, I can hear you all holding your breath!  You want that refrigerator, don’t you?  Don’t you?  Well, if I had $3500 I wouldn’t be spending it on a REFRIGERATOR, trust me – I would be in Alaska viewing glaciers.  So, in honor of that, you will all get a framed picture of an Alaskan glacier.  It’s the “coolest” item I could afford. 

And that, my friends, is Mary’s Favorite Things.  MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!